July 26, 2014

IT'S ALL TOO MUCH.....

 
The last 30 days seem like such a blur.
 
Of all the negative things that have happened, the good thing was the birth of my
gorgeous Grandson Sam. He's just perfect and yummy. I will be taking
Izzy out today for some fun and distraction - we have to let her know that she is special too after all!
 
 

 
My boys. Need I say anything more?
 
 
I miss my mom so much it's tearing my soul apart. I don't think I have dealt with her loss yet. I don't want to accept the fact that she is gone. It was too fast. It wasn't supposed to happen that way. She was supposed to go to the hospital, get better from the pneumonia, and come back home and fight. That was THE plan. That was HER plan. I tried to phone her after the baby was born. She wasn't there. In so much joy, how can there be so much pain? SO MUCH PAIN. And anger. It's not fair. 
 
 
 
In the midst of my mother's illness, I found out that my husband of 17 years has been fucking my brother's wife for 12 of it. She's a skank. Why is it when men cheat, they downgrade? I mean really? You chose an IGNORANT, meth whore who has fucked most of the men in our family including my father and my first husband? FUCK!
 
My fault I guess. I knew there was someone. I left once. I started a new life, fell in love with an amazing man - then left it all to come back here. I listened, I believed, I fell for it I guess.
 
I am not falling for it again. I'm done.
 
When someone shows you who they are - believe them - the FIRST time. - M.A.
 
Of course he has now started therapy with a pastor at a church. He doesn't want a divorce. He wants to keep his family and me he says. He realizes what he really wants he says. I say, you had it all - and you threw it away like garbage for a whore. He says it was just sex. He says he didn't love her. He's only ever loved me. I say - I don't give a fuck. Go have that cunt cook your dinners, clean your house and raise your children. OH WAIT - there is a 10 year old girl in this mess. DNA test much?
 
Yeah. Done. I AM DONE!
 
I don't think I am ever going to recover from any of this. Nothing will ever be ok again.
Ever.
 


November 05, 2013

WHAT DO YOU CALL AFFORDABLE????


$218 PER WEEK.

That is our new health insurance premium for 2014. It did not go down.

$11,330 per year. With no tax incentives/credits for us. $1200 deductible, $3000 out of pocket limit. Copays do not count toward the deductible. Copays have been raised from $20 to $30 for a doctor visit, from $40 to $75 for lab tests, and from $40 to $50 for specialist visits. That's just the short list. Nothing will be paid toward prescriptions until the deductible is met. All this - and the company claims that they pay 80% of the premium for this crap! Now I am no good at math, but how much god damned money does this insurance policy cost? WAYYYY more than any actual medical bills we have had over the last 15 years. We have NEVER met our deductible/out of pocket limits. (Just lucky I guess...)
We participate in a flex spending also - but the government will only allow you to put in $2500 a year. Um. Why not $3000 - you know - my "out of pocket" limit? But wait - this year we have spent our entire $2500, but have only met about $700 toward our deductible/out of pocket. Why? because meds and copays do NOT count. Why not? It came out of my pocket didn't it? 
This insurance payment costs us more than 2 new cars and car insurance per month.
It costs us more than our house payment per month.
It costs us more than all of our utilities combined per month. 
This is not affordable, nor is it right. 

I feel like "WOW" - it's so great that people who previously could not get health insurance can now get it. Yay! But how many of those people can actually afford it? Then to FORCE people to get it - oh hell no - that is just wrong. A lot of people I have talked to say they will just take the penalty. Ok, but wait - people with low incomes will get a "tax credit." Great fine. But - how are they supposed to live while paying that out each month? A family of 3 making $25,000 a year will have to put out an estimated $400 a month. That is not affordable.

It all sounded so great. It's ended up being a bunch of lies, a bunch of bullshit, and yet another set of rights taken away from us. Every single American should feel betrayed, bent over without that lovely jar of vaseline. 

I have no choice. I have to keep this insurance. AND NOW because I smoke - I have to pay EVEN MORE! Because of our health, there is just no other choice for us. We are hostages. All of us are hostages. There is no hope, no right answers, nothing. We work so they can take and take and take. All of the fighting I did to get through college, get a good job, and get a leg up in life - pointless. 

All of it is just so fucking pointless......


October 17, 2013

DOC DOC DOC DOC DOC

Where ya at Doc where ya at?? Thoughts? 

Mine are too "far out" mannnnnn.



Mar. I love/hate it. 
WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY????
It's everywhere. I can't escape it.